Losing A Friend

I’ve started writing this blog post, hitting delete and then re-writing it for what feels like the millionth time. I’ve done the same on my Instagram and my Story, trying to find the right words. So I’m just going to say it.

I lost a dear friend to cancer. He had been battling a rare form of cancer for over a year and we all knew it would be a long journey to recovery. He had been in a bicycle accident and suffered a black eye and cuts on his face but after a few weeks was still feeling off so he went to get checked out. And they found a tumor.

It was a jolt to the system to learn my friend was sick but I never doubted his optimism and spirit would prevail. Skipping ahead a bit to just a few months ago. I saw him in the office building cafeteria and ran up to give him a hug because I was so happy to see him at work. He had gained weight and his hair was growing back. He sent me snaps during the next week of him at work. It seemed like everything was going to be okay.

Then a couple of weeks ago, I went to his birthday celebration. He once again looked thin and weak but I was so happy to be there to celebrate and we were able to have a wonderful conversation. At the end of the night before I went home, I gave him another big hug. Several of his DC photographs were on display that night, his girlfriend urged me to take one. It’s currently sitting on my mantle and will be proudly displayed as soon as I find a frame. Someone at the party also snapped a candid Instax of us hugging when we saw each other early that night. It’s a sweet photo and is next to me as I’m writing this.

On a Friday, I was sitting at my desk when I got the call that he was in the hospital and had just hours left. I was able to send him a goodbye text that his girlfriend read to him. Summing up an entire friendship and all it meant to me in a text was incredibly difficult and took several hours to compose. How do you say everything in a text?

That weekend and the following week, doing any blog work seemed kinda well…silly. I had content planned and but I just couldn’t bring myself to write it. I’ve spent the last couple of weeks mourning and processing. I have more posts ready to go but it seemed weird to go from radio silence to regularly scheduled content without talking about my friend. He taught me photography (Even going so far as to give me POP QUIZZES!) and even stepped in to help with outfit photos in a pinch and showed me the proper way to make hollandaise among so many more lessons. His kindness, generosity, mojito-making and ability to find the beauty in the every day are things I will not forget.

I miss you.

P.S. Last Friday was the morning after his memorial services. I was walking to work kicking myself for not taking the day off and feeling just physically and emotionally drained. A girl on a run paused, tapped my arm and told me she loved my blog. I just wanted to let you know that gesture meant so so much to me and was the ray of sunshine I needed on a cloudy week.

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